Ways To Stay Miserable: Politics of Melancholy versus Happiness ‘Ways To Stay Miserable’ is a treatise about the trickery of the mind based on my experiences and observations. The theme of the book is at different levels but is mainly about looking at ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’ events, reflections on self and others. ‘Mind’ is frequently used as a place for breeding images and thoughts from which experience comes. I have tried to distinguish melancholy from happiness, what it means “here and now.”
Depression or melancholy, as it is often gently called, is a binding pattern that can be undone
through exploration and some honest application of discovered truths. Such is the
discovery that Roma Desai describes in her book about staying in or becoming freed from melancholy.
In this very short book of only fifty pages, Desai explores recognizing the repetitively dismal
thoughts that can become severe depression when one feels bound by them. The
alternative she discovers is that one can admit the truth in such desolating truths, look for
and dismiss what is false, act on changing what is truth by looking to clues for what is true
and genuine, choosing to ignore the false claims and evoked negative claims often
experienced when around family or friends, and ultimately rejecting the passive and
accepting the active reality of "free will."
A social worker who has worked with children and families for 20 years, Desai rejects the
"should" mentality and embraces the "I do feel this way" and proceed to freedom from there.
While there are thousands of self-help books available about feelings and therapeutic ideas,
this small but potent book might be the "perfect" one for anyone to read and even suggest
to another who needs some brief, concise, immediate wisdom about what we all
experience at one time or another in life.
A great intro to the work of working through reflections and feelings about self and others!
Reviewed by Viviane Crystal on February 21, 2005
e-mail to: vivianecrystal@nyc.rr.com
www.crystalreviews.com
What is “melancholy”? How do you recover from it? These are the questions that the
author of the title asks, but is there a true fire method to getting over melancholy? As she
recounts the experiences of her day; we get to read her responses, to distinguish her
feelings and emotions, and how she is able to overcome being miserable.
Ways To Stay Miserable is a inspirational book of how one woman is able to describe
her unhappiness and inability to convey her feelings and emotions to family and friends.
Feelings of impotence, tiredness, of never ending situations, thinking up ways to get
through each day and basically trying to cope with everyday life. But there is hope.
Finding that not everything is going to make her happy, the author describes of
how to tell between melancholy and happiness, of what it means to be in the “here and
now”.
This book was a delight to read, I found the topic of melancholy something that I had
never thought of before, and it made me reflect on situations that depressed me and
also of how I felt when I was able to overcome this depression. This is a wonderful book
that has left an impression on me I never thought I would discover.
Sheryl
Reviewer for Karen Find Out About New Books
Reviewer for Coffee Time Romance
Dear Roma,
I loved reading this book and could not put it down. You have drawn us into the secret world of your thoughts and feelings, shown us the many devious ways you use to stay miserable, and allow us to discover our own private internal mechanisms, the defenses that keep us locked in suffering and prevent us from experiencing the joy of the present moment.
By allowing us to know your personal experience you have exposed what is true for us all. You've put into words, with a pure poetic style and lexicon uniquely your own, the persistent chatter of the mind, the incessant mulling over of events and ideas, the internal dialogue of thoughts and feelings that keep us stuck in distress and misery. You shine a light on that unconscious dialogue which supports unhappiness and prevents us from experiencing the attitude of joy, and the happiness that is right there in the moment, if only we allow it to be.
The book reads like poetry. It is a wonderful, engaging, heartfelt rant that awakens us to new awareness and the possibility of happiness.
Thank you for writing it.
Carol Pearlman - writer/poet
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Roma,
I found it to be quite interesting and full of heart-felt meanings. It sincerely made me think about life and the value of it. I believe that you have captured true and seldom acknowledged feelings.
Please, know that it captured my attention and kept it from the beginning to the end.
Jacki (PA Author)
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Ways to Stay Miserable (Politics of melancholy versus happiness) by Roma Desai is a review of the psyche by an analytical mind, brilliantly packed into 50 pages.
In one dawn to dusk, Ms. Desai examines the life journey to its inevitable end--revealing at times a profile of the basic need to be loved and approved of; by a person searching to be "free-self" while "giving-self" to others. Ms. Desai dramatically takes you into the "thoughts of thoughts," using the emotion melancholy as her guiding force. Delving into the human need to act and see oneself as others do--creating a parody of emotions that disrupt what would otherwise be a reasonably normal flow of happiness and contentment in relationships.
Women, especially, will relate to the ambivalence with sympathy and understanding; while men will more than likely scratch their head wondering--why make such a "big deal" out of everyday occurrences? Ways to Stay Miserable (Politics of melancholy versus happiness) is a fast read that will give the reader their "brain exercise" for the day, if not the week!
I recommend this book especially for the deep thinkers looking for a challenge. ****
Patricia Winters Johnston
Author and Free Lance Writer
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Reviewed by: Katlyn Stewart-Author
Truly we are Here and Now!!
In reading Ms. Desai's wonderful book, I was taken aback at how much her thoughts mimicked my own in many ways. Perhaps mimics all of "our" thoughts. So many times we feel as though we are not worthy to receive wondrous things in this life. So many times we believe that the rug will be pulled from underneath of us, in many cases it has happened, making us extremely "gun shy".
Ms. Desai is profound and analytical in her thoughts, putting forth those thoughts in to words for us to read, and to think about.
I could not put the book down. Needing to know more about what she was feeling as she wove the words in to this gem of a book.
"Ways To Stay Miserable" is dramatic. A book that is easy to read, hard to put down and provokes deep thoughts.
In the end, the 'melancholy versus happiness" is explained so well that you have no choice but to wonder why you have not allowed happiness to over ride the turmoil's of your own life, especially when so many others in worse case scenario's can.
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Title : Ways to stay miserable
Politics of melancholy versus happiness.
Author : Roma Desai
ISBN : 1-4137-4537-7
Publisher : Publish America (Maryland, U.S.A.)
I started Roma’s book ‘Ways to stay miserable’ with the intention of reading a few pages and maybe continuing at a later time. I was immediately riveted and pulled in into her day, tears began to form in my eyes as I relate to the feelings of unhappiness that was gradually consuming the author.
Trying desperately to silently command the respect and the love of her relatives and everyone that surrounds her, she is failing in her attempts to remain in that happy place that beckons like a beacon on the shore throughout her day. Her unending quest to satisfy and to ponder why, instead of just living life acceptingly and enjoying the day that was granted to her.
As the day draws to an end, just like the story that Roma is sharing with me, I am left contented that the author has finally understood, with the help of some relevant memories of the past, that she has to be herself and be happy. All the searching for something to take her back to being miserable, has slowly been diminished and all that is left is acceptance and trust that she deserves to be happy in her own skin. A lesson that millions of people need to learn.
I completed this book, ‘Ways to stay miserable’ in just one sitting but the moral remains in my mind and left me contemplating for a long time after.
Reviewed by Dianne Khan
Author of I Dream of Tulips
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"Ways To Stay Miserable" eloquently expresses what we've all experienced
at one time or another. This is an exceptionally written book that helps nudge
the reader into considering how they see their own life. Ms. Desai has
managed to accomplish what takes many of us years to do.
"Ways To Stay Miserable" is a dramatic yet easy to understand book that you won't be able to put down until you've read the last page.
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It was a beautiful, lyrical little book. There were moments that made me chuckle because there was a point and time in my life where I had similar thoughts.
I could relate to these things. Some moments I would just nod my head for no particular reason because I was simply agreeing with everything she had to say. And other times in the book made me especially sad because Roma does such a great job at putting you in her state of mind. Once again...I could relate to her.
I especially liked that bit where you feel like your thoughts are getting in the way of your work. Which has happened to me on several occasions. I believe that every woman that picks up this book (no matter what age) will be able to relate to Roma's book.
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Roma's love and natural ability with words shine through and draw the reader into the reality that she portrays so precisely.
I know that there will be much more to come as the indications are so obvious in the fact that such a wealth of feeling and knowing cannot be contained in just the one book. I look forward so much to the next book.
Much love to you Roma. A true and pure soul.
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Ways to Stay Miserable, by Roma Desai, is a very powerful, thought-provoking book. The deep mind set of the writer brings out an amazing
roller coaster of emotions in an almost poetic like deliverance.
This simple, yet powerful book shows how our mind defends the day to day
feelings about how others perceive us, our own self awareness, and that of family and strong relationships.
This book is a must read.
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Roma Desai's book shines light on the politics of family life, the need to be heard and
the importance of courtesy. She distinctly shows the consequences of bringing
what I call the 'third wheel' into your home.
In the end, I like how she re-discovers herself in her own dialogue, and the final
approval of her essence.
Roma, I look forward to the day I see the drama portrayed in your book,
re-enacted in a play on broadway.
Your friend,
Herman X
http://www.freewebs.com/xbooks
http://www.LULU.com/LaughTillUcry
http://www.RYZE.com/go/HermanX
http://www.AuthorDen.com/xbooks
http://www.webspawner.com/users/BOOKSthings
Who Needs Trust? If Truth Be Told.Sometimes I thought it was a laugh, I was laughing at everyone but I soon sensed that my laughter was different, deep down in my laughter existed an incredible sadness. Sad to say but I could not laugh out loud. I mean a belly laugh. There was sadness about the whole existence, about “others and myself.”
I drew upon the experiences and stories of a number of young people and adults who have been sexually abused as children.
I have tried to develop upon their impressions and ways in which they continue to search for someone they can trust, their struggle to “become.”
This book is not a self-help book, it was written to share my observations and what I have learnt about the Survivors,
their perception of self and others,their pain and ways in which they tend to repeat the pattern of mistrust time and time again.
| Copyright © 2004 Roma Desai |
